So, I’ve been feeling pretty great the last couple days. I haven’t had to take a Xanax in 3 days now and I’ve been getting shit done, too!
My kitchen and living room are staying cleaner then they’ve ever been. I’ve put a big dent in the mess that is my second living room.
I think it’s helping that I’m not beating myself up over it when I have days that I don’t get anything “real” done. I continually remind myself that this is a work in progress and always will be. It doesn’t matter how long things take because the changes are the goal. As long as I continue making them, I am succeeding.
As a family, we’re in the process of making one big change together. We are considering (seriously considering) homeschooling our oldest son. As this blog is not a “mommy blog” I’m not going to delve in to all the reasons for contemplating this change. It’s not really relevant. It will be a huge commitment on my part and I’m more then willing to take it on. It may derail my plans to start attending births again and it will definitely slow my midwifery apprenticeship down a bit, but my life isn’t really and truly all about me. To be a good mother, I have to put my child’s needs at the forefront. (Not ahead of my needs, but definitely ahead of any of my wants.)
We’re going to make a decision about his schooling on Sunday, after we’ve all had some time to mull over our options. I am a little worried that taking on the HUGE task of schooling my own child may worsen the anxiety, but I’ll deal with that as it comes.
I just have to remind myself that it’s only for a year (we feel strongly that he should attend traditional junior high and high school) and if it doesn’t work for us we can always put him back in regular school early.
So many amazing things going on in my life, and they are all so positive. For me and my family.