Seasonal Depression

Yeah. That’s happening. I’ll be back, I swear.

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Sweet Potato “Fritters” with Ginger and Coconut

Since I’m doing this Whole30 diet thing it pretty much eliminates all desserts and sweets. I loovvveee dessert. I will die without something dessert like for 30 days. So I came up with this Whole30 compliant deliciousness!

More delicious then it looks!

2 medium sweet potatoes
1 inch-ish of fresh ginger
3/4 cups-ish of unsweetened shaved coconut
Cinnamon to taste
Cardamom to taste
2-3 tbsp Coconut milk (the kind from the can)

1. Cut up and boil sweet potatoes until they’re soft enough to mash. I left the skins on because I think the skin is delicious.

2. While the potatoes boil chop up the shaved coconut into little bits. Grate the ginger. I used a microplane.

3. Mash the crap out of the potatoes but make sure there are still a few chunky bits or it won’t stick together very well. Add the ginger, coconut, coconut milk, cinnamon, and cardamom. Throw some raisins in if you’re feeling crazy. Mix.

4. Form mixture in to cute little patties. Heat skillet. Add coconut oil. Cook patties for 2 ish minutes per side or until brown and crispy. Drain on paper towels.

5. Serve warm. Garnish with curls of coconut, a few raisins, and a drizzle of coconut milk.



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I spent the last two weeks getting the kids in to the school groove. That’s my excuse for not being around, in real life, as well as here.

Honestly, though, I’ve just been hermit-ing still because it makes life easier to deal with.

Healthy, right?

I also started a new “diet” which is more of a battle of wills and an endeavor to see if I’m able to make major life changes for more than a week.

I haven’t really followed through with any of my initial “goals” listed when I started this blog. Except for eating healthier and exercising more. Which I guess I should give myself credit for.

I just finished reading Jenny Lawson’s  book “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”. I thought I couldn’t like her more. I was wrong. I’m totally in hetero-love with her now. I will now make it a point, every time I lock myself in a bathroom during a panic attack, to think of raccoons in jams and “Well, at least I’m not wearing a deer as a sweater”. Thank you Jenny Lawson. Thank you. (If you have no idea who she is your life is greatly lacking. Go check out her blog: The Bloggess)

The “diet” I started is called the Whole30 and I stared it on September 1st and have already lost 6 pounds. (I know the rules say you’re not supposed to weigh yourself, but knowing I’m actually losing weight is keeping me motivated.) I definitely think this experience is going to change the way I eat from now on. I feel so much better eating like this it’s crazy! I don’t think I really like the idea of going “Paleo” or “Primal” or whatever permanently. I do like the idea of never eating processed crap again, though.

That’s my update. My anxiety isn’t any different really. I still have good days and bad days. I’m able to cope with the bad knowing that I have the Xanax to fall back on if I have to. Life is good.



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fake it ’til you make it

I hate hate hate that phrase. Hate.

If something is eating away at you, do you really think that ignoring it is an effective solution? Do you actually believe that this is a healthy response to discontent?

Should I have just “faked it ’til I made it” when I started having problems? Ignored all the signals that something was going wrong because to acknowledge it would make me, what exactly, weak? Imperfect? What?

What is it about our culture that makes admitting distress or difficulty such a taboo? We have been trained through our lives to believe that everyone is fine, always. Did our parents ever tell us , “Yes, I suffer from clinical depression. Here is how I cope with it.” or “Yes, my time in the army left me struggling with PTSD.” or “I struggled with an eating disorder as a teenager.” or or or…. No. They didn’t and now we don’t.

I’m not saying we should tell our children the nitty-gritty details of our intimate emotional struggles. We should just make them aware that all humans struggle on some level through portions of their lives. This is not shameful. This is not wrong.

It is painful and exhausting and damned hard, but it leaves you stronger. Speaking openly about what you’re experiencing may help another person. Hell, it’ll probably help you. It will definitely help your children.

I refuse to “fake it ’til I make it”. I embrace my struggles and share them with anyone who wants to listen.

I keep my fingers crossed that others will do the same. I’d love to learn from them.


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I’m becoming one.

Mainly because it’s easier then dealing with the anxiety.

And I know it’s a bad idea. I just can’t seem to help myself.

You’d think my house would be cleaner from the amount of time I’ve spent in it recently.

My walking buddy is back from a vacation now, so that will get me out once a week. The kids are about to start school and I have joined the PTA so I’m sure those people will ask me to go to meetings and nonsense.

I need to get out more. I will get out more. I will.

In the meantime, I’m going to start (and hopefully finish) some projects around the house. I’ve already started on my/Emie’s bedroom and it’s shaping up nicely. I’ll post before/after pictures soon!

I’m going to reward myself with 2 new books when I get my projects done.

How do I motivate myself to get out more? Reward system? Am I a potty training toddler? That’s kind of how I feel…. Two steps forward, one step back….

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moving on up.

I haven’t been posting much because good ole life got in the way, but now things are settling down again and I’m getting back to it.

We decided to give Alex one more shot at traditional schooling and enrolled him (and Cassidy) at a new school. It’s a Title 1 school and seems really amazing. I’m hoping this is a positive change for the kids.

The week leading up to making a decision about Alex’s schooling was fraught with Xanax. Maybe the uncertainty of things intensified my problem. I found myself getting worried that I would get nervous that I might have a panic attack if I left the house tomorrow. Was that convoluted enough for you?

It was exhausting and I’m glad that I’m finally feeling close to normal again. I even went shopping twice this week without having to take anything!

I gave up on the 30 day shred on day 2 because, again, life happened. I’m planning on starting it again on September 1st and would like to invite anyone who’s interested to join me in this madness! It is so painful and awesome.

My house is continuing to improve slowly and steadily. Once I finish organizing the “sunken” living room, I’ll post photos of the changes we’re making around here. (Hopefully my living room will have a sweet new paint job to show off too!)

So, I’m still here. Still making my way. Thanks for sticking with me.

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work it.

I started the Jillian Michaels’ 30 day shred today. I’ve done it once before but wasn’t able to complete the whole thirty days because of illness. This time: nothing’s gonna stop me.

I’m hoping to use the elliptical in my living room a little more often, too.

I can do this. Even if I have to scream obscenities at the television through the whole 27 minute workout. I will do this.

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